#but its ok!! i've been reflecting on what i want to do with my art and im excited to get back to it

[crescentfool]

ryoji... ryoj..... RYOJI !!!!!!!!!!! 🤧

[milehighmegs]

On the Subject of Fandoms: A Love Letter

So, I'm old. Well, oldER. I haven't entered the twilight of my years by any stretch, but once I entered that midlife wistful state of nostalgia, I knew that I had very likely reached the point at which it would be more past than future. And ya know, that's ok. I made peace with my mortality long ago. I don't fear death, I fear not living before I die.

So what's that got to do with fandoms? you may be asking. Fair enough. Here's what it's got to do with fandoms:

Before it was even a term, before I could do multiplication or write my name in cursive (I told you I'm old), I was part of a fandom and didn't even know it. My parents watched 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' when it was still on primetime; we even recorded the final episode on VHS and had it for years. (I told you, I'M OLD.) It was so incredibly formative for me that it's become part of my identity, part of my moral & ethical code, part of my personality. Is that ridiculous? Dramatic? Maybe even a bit of hubris? Perhaps. But it's true, nonetheless.

I've since joined other fandoms, of movie franchises (namely the MCU), TV shows (like Good Omens), and musicians (I'm a die-hard metalhead) over the course of my life, each of them creating/inhabiting a different part of what makes me ME. Though I've always remained the same basic person at my core (a decent one at least if not a good one, I hope), being a part of these fandoms has shaped the foundations of how I live my life, and how I've LIVED my life.

Being on the proverbial back nine of my earthly existence, looking back at what's come before, at how far I've come and all the things I've fucked up or gotten right, questioned, accepted, regretted, cherished... so much of that is filled with moments like, 'what would Captain Picard do? How would the Avengers handle this? Which Slipknot song would be most comforting right now?' With the explosion of semi-social media sites (like tumblr here, and its gateway drug, Pinterest), I've been able to dive even deeper into the fandom. The fic, the art, the theories & analyses... it turns my appreciation for all these things I love to 11. But it wouldn't be possible without the most critical element: the fans.

Because people have such a love for, and identify so strongly with the stories & characters of their respective fandoms, they go deep into hidden meanings, major themes, & what they imagine these stories would be like if they were able to direct the action. More than anything, what I love about fanfic/fanart is that while yes, we're creating what we want for the characters, it's more a reflection of what we want for ourselves, both in the same situation as the characters and in life in general. For example, I see SO MUCH art/fic of Crowley & Aziraphale being open & free in showing their love for each other. I see so many stories of them making up and living happily ever after. The art ranges from sweet & adorable to... ah... adult-themed, but the vast majority of the latter is passionate, tender, & clearly loving; rarely is it straight-up raunchy. Smutty? Totally. Raunchy? Not so much. And why? Because we know these two are IN LURVE, not just in lust. And we want what they (clearly) have, even if they can't admit it to one another. We, the fans, can live vicariously through these characters and these worlds, and there we can find what we're looking for.

I've had a rollercoaster of a life, emotionally speaking, especially in matters of romantic love, and much of that hasn't been pleasant. I've done so much soul-searching, shadow work, self-care and all that whathaveyou, but none of it- NONE of it- has come anywhere near to being as insightful as the fan-based art & analyses of the relationship between Crowley & Zira. I have spent the vast majority of the last week thinking about it, writing about it, going over & over how it applies to my life & experiences, and I gotta say... none of it would be possible without the remarkable Good Omens fandom. So seriously, thank you. THANK YOU. You've helped to make me a better person. You've helped to make me look back on my life, smile, and turn around... to look forward to what comes next.

Keep up the incredible work, creators. You never know whose life you could be saving.

[arkhamjack]

Thank you everyone for the reblogs on my "how some of the fandom sees wolfwood vs how I see him" lol I wanted to continue the conversation bc I am very annoying about this stuff and it grosses me out bc I am sensitive or whatever but um yeah 🤓

It's pretty long so TL;DR stop being weird about Wolfwood thanks 👍

I'll talking about objectification, hypersexualisation, and prejudice so a warning I guess --->

The Gaze has been working overtime on Wolfwood's ass (and tits) and it's making me a little nuts. This is not to say his character cannot be presented in a sexy way, or that he cannot perform sexuality without being problematic, it's just... ask yourself: why.

It can be subconscious, you might not even notice it, but media tropes have a way of worming into people's brains to be regurgitated into fan art, especially if the character presents or is coded marginalised in a way you are not. (I do it too!)

It starts from young. I had an adult call me a "hot head Latina" as a child LMAO (I am not even Latin)

Characters and actors that looked like me were worked into typically these roles - If feminine, desired, sexy but crazy, dangerous. If masculine, similarly sexual, either hot or ugly, suspicious.

I feel silly and attention-seeking for speaking up about this kind of stuff, especially as I feel I'm not in a place to cry 'racism' specifically because I'm more 'ethnic' than POC.

I'm a Balkan mongrel - Greek, bits from Turkey, Albania, and fuck knows what else. I've always kept my head down about people being weird to me but it comes to a point like the point of a classmate comparing my hair to an animal's, where I feel I gotta go "ok yeah lets unpack that."

Now about Wolfwood, he's our classic racially/ethnically ambiguous smoky sexy guy. Particularly in the 98 anime, he's pretty bosomy. He's a struggler - swindling Gunsmoke with his charm and portable confessional. This swindler trope, I've observed, tends to go hand in hand with 'suspicious immigrant out for your money'. Again, maybe I've pulled that out my ass and I'm being oversensitive, but I notice things. Tastes left in my mouth. Anyway. Brings to mind the time some other classmate jokingly called me a 'hustler' for *checks notes* making sure my work is submitted on time.??

Now on the subject of NSFW fanart... oh boy I am so uncomfy writing this... I rarely see him depicted.. receiving. You can place the issues here pretty easily. Give him a break. Please. Also I did note this on my original post and also completely my own opinion but PLEASE that man is not bigger than Vash, and I don't mean like not taller, like, thiccer. Calm the fuck down.

I hate having to write this bc it makes me uncomfy and reflects my own experiences of objectification by other people which sounds all very "oh noo its sooo hard being attractive :'((" but I trust y'all smart enough to see where I'm coming from.

The gaze. Othering. Marginalised masculinity (not to mention my intersecting trans identity thats a whole other unrelated convo). Hypersexualisation. Objectification.

But back to Wolfwood!! - are these tropes perpetuated by the original creator? Personally, I don't think so. (Wolfwood's design is based off a Japanese guy btw - musician Tortoise Matsumoto) The 98 anime? Maybe?? Am I reading too much into it? It's hard not to - naturally I'll latch onto the ambiguous guy and go "alright let's see how they do this" so naturally certain things stand out to me.

But when some of that fanart starts rolling out ... Jesus Christ ... MY EYES

On the flipside, I've seen great fanart out there! And I've seen quite a few Latino headcanons for Wolfwood too!(like I mentioned before I am not Latin, I am also not American in general I am a filthy freak Australian with our own colonial racist histories and intricacies) (There is also Latin diaspora here but I don't wanna speak for anyone aaaah)

I'd like to think most of the fandom is cool about him. But um. Yeah.

I said what I said but if I did say anything out of line I am so sorry and PLEASE let me know - I am using my own experiences as reference and acknowledge the intricacies my own privilege

Yap session over 👍

[mysticode54]

I stumbled across a Japanese article where Fumito Ueda, Yoko Taro, and Keiichiro Toyama had a publicized discussion about their careers and the video game industry as whole. This discussion was organized primarily to celebrate ICO's 20th anniversary in late 2021. So the folks over at Den Faminico Gamer requested concept art from all across ICO's development cycle to present throughout the 3 pages of conversation. And I don't know who was responsible for the task of transferring that, but they gave them A Lot of concept art. Many of these sheets have not been shared by genDESIGN's twitter, or really seen on any other site to my knowledge. There's some exclusive stuff in here. And even if they were seen somewhere before, I still want to translate them to the best of my ability and share the info. So I'm going to guide you through the sheets I found the most interesting. I'll also try to provide context for any cut content and musings on the lore elements being spelled out on the page. [Spoilers for ICO under the cut]

CUT AREAS

Jail

[I've decided to leave the original page untouched in all my translation images, and keep all added text to the black bars at the sides. I'm also including plain Japanese text in dark grey, just so everyone is clear on how I am interpreting the handwritten notes.] This area is titled "Jail" or "Prison" and it was to be put on the second story of the East Arena. This means that, in early designs, the leftmost door was meant to be opened on arrival. It seems you would navigate the diagonal water slope, make it up to this area, and briefly move outside for the sake of slipping into one of these locked cells. After doing so, you move a shelf aside, find the sword, enter a fight, and then use the sword on the rope holding the far right arena door. Having a jail cell next to the arena is very intriguing from a narrative standpoint. Were the cells for those who broke the rules set in place by the arena's organizers? Or was the arena always intended to be sparring matches between criminals and outcasts? Why is the only way onto the balcony found through one of these cells?

Boatshed

[In the black bars, text relating directly to the contents of the sketch will have drawn elements next to them, so you can better see what translation is paired with what part of the drawing. If it ever gets confusing, shoot me an ask and I'll clarify/edit the post.] The day after drawing up the concept for the Jail area, the team sketched the Boatshed, which was also cut. This area is reflective of an earlier, less bombastic ending to ICO, which Ueda briefly mentioned during Sony's "Great Scene Sharing" campaign in 2011.

Also, to be honest we weren’t planning to have the castle collapse entirely like that. We were originally thinking to have the ending of ICO be much more modest, but somehow it didn’t give you a feeling of resolution that way. And so we decided “Ok, let’s make everything crumble into the sea then.” (laughs)

The most intriguing aspect of this cut concept is a kind of Idol Fence Gate that reacts to Yorda in the same way as the Idol Doors, only in this case it is powered by a mask. The mask's face shape is somewhere between a man and a bull, with the moderately sized horns completing the animal resemblance. There seems to be a gem or circular marking embedded into the forehead as well. The text makes mention that the gate 'listens' to the mask (assuming I'm translating that correctly), so perhaps it had a specific auditory or musical cue planned for when it reacts to Yorda? But perhaps not. A concept page like this would be the perfect place to write that idea in clear detail, after all.

Heroine Room Connection

This is not exactly a cut area, but it is certainly a heavily altered one. This spot would later become the floor of Spiral Staircase, where Yorda is held prisoner in the first act of the game. We can see this intention by its proximity to 'The Heroine's Room' and the series of Idol Doors set up as the introduction to Yorda's unique power. (There's even a sketch detailing how this arrangement of four idols are supposed to part when opened, and it matches up with the movement of the idols in Spiral exactly.) The most notable feature of this area seems to be a set of stairs leading up into a small room with a trench in it. In the trench is a box and a small crevice in the wall. The crevice is labelled 'Heroine', which, to me, implies that Ico might have been able to see or hear Yorda through this crack in the wall. But since this room is a dead end, I imagine you use the box in some way to activate the other set of stairs, which seem to have both a upward and downward status depending on whether you've solved the puzzle or not. This is very similar in concept to a puzzle presented elsewhere in the final game. At either ends of the room are two doorways. One direction is labelled 'Ko Building', which we will discuss later in this post. But the entrance to this room is through the Ritual Room... which we also have concept art for!

Ritual Room

Similarly to the last sheet, this sketch depicts elements that would end up placed elsewhere, but the overall design of this room was cut. The Ritual Room was seemingly designed before the team had come up with the final design of the Altar Room. The Ritual Room bears many of its elements, but has a much larger scope and seems to serve as a junction between several parts of the building.

Common elements include:

The floor raising and lowering to open a path to the Stage 13 Elevator. The notes even clarify that this will only occur in the game's "2nd act". In this version of the mechanism, a handrail rises up when the floor lowers.

Capsules in which to place sacrifices. Though they aren't clearly depicted, they seem to be embedded into the ground, rather than standing up.

Restricted access to the high up Idol Doors. In the final game, they lead to The Queen's throne room. Here it leads to Proto, the earliest room designed in the game. It's unclear how you earn access to the doors, but the 'OFF' label indicates that the stairs must rise, or else it remains a vertical wall.

But one big difference that stands out is the palanquin-like structure at the center, which reminds me of the structure that surrounds The Queen's throne. Given the title of the room, we can infer this was meant to be the spot where the Queen's ritual would be held.

Notes in the margins indicate two innocuous, but fascinating things: - The note regarding what might open the Idol Doors for the village men likely marks the conception of The Queen's Sword. - Yorda's voice was meant to be heard from this room, and she would've been singing. She doesn't get to sing to herself in the finished product, though I think that characteristic fits her well.

Flowchart of the Second Half

Once it became clear to Ueda that the ending had to be more resolute and bombastic, they devised the Main Gate Event and laid out a plan for all the places you would traverse on your journey to the throne room. You might notice that locations like Cliff Cage, Cogwheel, and Pipe have different prototype names and some visual differences. The first location on the journey back, later known as Cage, is titled 'Ruins'. It seems to feature a series of overhang structures jutting out from the cliff-side. Presumably, these would catch Ico after his fall. The titular cages of the present incarnation seem to be absent, but we can see them close by, in the area that will become known as Cogwheel. Instead named 'Subterranean Lake' in this document, Cogwheel seems to lack any of its characteristic mechanisms. In this sketch, one of the cages seems to have fallen from the ceiling into the water below. In the final game, we move from Cogwheel to the outer edge of the island, where Ico clings tightly to the ridges of the cliff-side. But in this concept art, all of that distance is spent on a new area, completely cut from the final release, called 'Trolley Jump'. It seems the trolley would make a second appearance in the game's puzzle design and Ico would have to build up momentum to make it over a huge gap in the tracks. The Pipe area is named 'Ravine' instead. And the metallic platform is set far lower than it is in the final game, where you can just walk across it to make it to the elevator. Here, you must descend onto it and then climb up into a cavern, once you make it to the other side. You might've also seen that the the Old Bridge is titled 'ICO Bridge' in this document. This is especially interesting to me, as the name ICO seems to serve a different purpose here than you would expect.

What is “ICO (イコ)”, really?

Kenji Kaido has stated in the Japanese Guidebook for the game that the name 'ICO' was just the title, and initially, was never attributed to the boy protagonist (Page 82). He was nameless and only referred to as 'Boy', much like the protagonist of The Last Guardian is currently. The game's filenames, the concept art, and even Kaido's own presentation of the E3 2000 demo to PlayStation Underground, back this sentiment. The term 'ICO' is never attached to the boy before June or July of 2000, when US gaming publications reporting on E3 2000's demo started conflating the title with the protagonist's name. Seeing as this is dated in March of 2000, it's safe to say the use of 'ICO' here has nothing to do with the boy. So what is it about? Ueda did also say that the name was a shortening of the term ICON... but I have additional evidence suggesting that in this specific instance, it was not serving as an abbreviation for 'ICON Bridge'. Take a look at this rough overview sketch from the margins of a different concept art page.

Aside from the points that indicate land and sea, the labels that plainly stick out are "イ棟" and "コ棟".

"I Building" and "Ko Building". We saw that last label earlier in the Heroine Room Connection section.

Knowing this, we can safely infer that it's called イコ Bridge because it connects the イ and コ buildings... But then why are they split in that way and labelled イ and コ? I still don't have an answer for this, though I do feel like the divide is related to the separation of class. The イ building is dedicated to The Queen. It contains both her daughter and the sacrifices she needs to complete her ritual. It's where her throne is. It's where she resides and does her work. Meanwhile, everything on the other side of this bridge seems to have been built for a larger populous.

Benches, recreational areas, spectated arena matches, a waterfall, a courtyard, a ballroom with a massive chandelier! You don't build a front gate and a bridge to the mainland if you never wanted people to enter... This place undeniably once had people who lived and worked here. They were all designated under the コ building. I have to imagine this is why a distinction is being made, but beyond that, the reasoning for the titles remains a mystery. If someone has further insight into Japanese linguistics or culture, and have additional guesses as to why, please let me know.

Cut Boss Fight

In the West Arena (labelled 'R' for 'Right' in early development), there was going to be another raised cage event. Only this time it would take the form of a boss fight with a massive shadow that overtakes the floor and splays black tendrils through the air. Interestingly, there is already an overhead bridge in this image, but rather than magically appearing in stone segments, it's instead an ordinarily constructed wooden bridge. Here, the notes detail a different kind of puzzle element: Wire. Which, unlike ropes, cannot be cut by the sword. The same note indicates that wire is holding the left and right doors in place. While the concept art doesn't detail it plainly, I believe the only way past this room would be to pull on the "Idol Handle" that the boss is covering. Wire is also presumably being used for the zip-line running across the arena, which is an interesting component to say the least. The vision I'm gathering is that you'd ride the zip-line, hit X at the right time to drop down onto the overhead bridge, run over to the balcony where the 'Cage Switch' is labelled, and activate it to impede the boss. How it is then defeated is less clear. It's also unclear where Yorda would have been throughout this encounter, or if there would be additional enemies trying to drag her into a nest. Its possible the boss itself would be programmed to capture her with a tendril, and itself act as a nest by dragging her into the depths of itself. But we have no evidence one way or the other. [Ok, that's all the stuff I have to present for now. Keep in mind that there's more to see and translate in the article I linked at the very start. This post was only scratching the surface, despite the amount of material we covered. With that in mind, thank you for making it this far.]

Support

Now is as good a time as any to mention I've started up a Ko-Fi, so people can choose to support the work I do to uncover and present obscure info like this. There is, of course, no obligation to give me anything. The tips just help me get a bit of financial security in return for my efforts.

[jascurka]

Hey, I gotta say i've been a fan of yours for a few years, and you're an extremely talented artist! Your expressions and the soft way you color makes everything seem almost comforting in most of your work, and it's really cool to see!!

I guess i haven't been caught up in a while cause i haven't watched mob psycho in a bit but i noticed you've gotten into mobrei

I'm not here to harass you or yell at you and i am not expecting a response, but i gotta say i understand, when you age up characters it makes the power dynamic seem balanced and ok, i understand these are characters you love a lot and fanart and fancontent is probably a big source of comfort

But encouraging such an unhealthy power dynamics especially as someone with a larger audience you gotta understand is not ok It's not about the characters and it's not about how you view it, it's about us as people needing to show that these unhealthy dynamics are not ok

if you found out your minor little brother was dating an adult you would be worried about him, if you found out your little brother who is now of age was dating an adult who was very close to him when he was a minor you would be worried about him

I'm not upset because it's mob psycho or if it was any other characters i'm upset because you're portraying something borderline pedophilic as ok

I'm honestly a little dissapointed to see that you've sort of adapted proshipping beliefs, yk at least what i can say about myself is that i'm not against proshippers because i hate shipping and i don't believe love is love

I'm against proshipping because incest, pedophilia, and other dynamics that lead to assault and imbalanced power are not ok and we shouldn't be teaching people especially minors that they are

The more content there is normalizing abusive power dynamics the more people think thats ok, the more minors can normalize it, the more minors can think its ok to date a family member or an adult or just anybody who may hurt them because they were taught that love conquers all differences even when that love is between a 14 year old and a 25 year old or even 18 and 29

Again i'm not trying to hate on you i'm not trying to yell or anything like that i just really hope that you'll read through this and just think about it at least a little bit again this isn't about characters this is about real life

Here are some things you need to realize:

The main purpose of my art isn't to be educational about healthy relationships and it's not focused on portraying "the right thing" all the time.

I assume enough emotional intelligence in my audience to recognise that the ships that I in fact label as problematic already - are flawed and are not healthy to happen in real life.

I want to explore nuanced or taboo things in my art but I'm also a sucker for lovey-dovey feel-good stories and it's not your business to convince me to draw ships more how you want them just so kids on tumblr can have a good example of what abuse looks like.

I am not encouraging anyone to pursue relationships like these! Real life is much more complex than what a scribble on tumblr can reflect on anyway. The content I make of these ships is purely fictional and isn't safe to enact in the real world.

I don't appreciate you trying to bring my relatives into this argument, you're being insensitive bringing them up at all. Of course I don't want anyone, not just my family, to stay in an unhealthy relationship. I think most sane people on earth would be against that, no? Do you just assume I'm okay with horrible things happening to people around me because I like to draw unhealthy and toxic ships?

I didn't "adapt" proship beliefs recently. Not harassing people for their fictional ships and stories has always been very easy for me, even if their content makes me uncomfortable. I prefer to block things I don't want to see over acting entitled about what someone draws or writes.

I already state on my page that my blog has sensitive and mature topics and viewer discretion is advised. I could always draw the "worse" aspects of the relationship or more "abusive" side of the ship so you won't have to reach far below the surface to find the problematic side of it, but I get the feeling you don't want me to do that - you just want me to stop drawing a pairing you find icky. I can add an additional disclaimer in my profile if this all wasn't enough for you but I won't stop drawing them holding hands and blushing until I get bored of it.

EDIT: I do want to thank you for the compliments on my art however, I forgot to add it yesterday.

[merrikiwi]

What we got up to in July 2024

Writing this blog post is an idea I came up with because it is fun but also because it forces us to reflect on the month and what we did. We've been trying (badly) to keep track of all the things we watched in the year so we can do an end-of-the-year retrospective of all the media we enjoyed so heeeeeeere we go.

July, July, July, what a busy month we've had. From L getting a new job to us running our first convention stall selling our art. We have truly been busy, but that has not stopped us from having fun with all kinds of media. Whether to relax or to research we watched a lot last month so lets talk about it.

Movies Movies are a good place to start. I've been trying to keep track of the movies we watched on Letterbox like I do with anime on MAL. I just like having a big list of all the things I've seen I can't help it XD. 

For my birthday we did a Gentleman-themed movie night. First, we watched The Gentleman a film I've been trying to get L to watch for ages and my birthday seemed like a great opportunity. And guess what she loved it. It's Guy Richie so you know the cinematography and editing are going to be fun a least. I didn't remember how homoerotic it was but I'm all for it. I think the gangsters should kiss. 

We also watched The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare... Also Guy Richie. It even had Henry Cavill but they couldn't save this story from being kinda meh. It sucks because I was looking forward to it but It just felt a little all over the place. You never really get to know any of the characters and the action felt excessive considering the real-life versions of these people managed to do this operation with only one injury. 

The last movie I can remember watching was Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets. Our hopes going in were so low but it was actually really awesome. The world and story are just so interesting and well-made. It feels like a passion project from the director. It's just plain fun times. 

TV

For the small screen, we watched The 8 show, A tv adaptation of two Manhwa Pie game and Money game. The show chose elements from both  to create a kind of mish mash of the ideas from both. I hadn't read them but L had so I got to turn and go "Omg did that happen in the Manhwa". I wouldn't want to spoil anything but if you're a fan of death games its very compelling. 

My main criticism of the show as a whole was that the violence in the latter half was actually really hard to watch. It felt excessive and unrealistic. You will watch a character get their head bashed in with a baseball bat multiple times and will be fine the next day. It gives it this kind of unrealistic uneasiness where you're real-world perception of how much damage the human body can take is confused for the sake of plot convenience and shock. 

L: It made some interesting adaptations and outright changes that were mostly good but it is very different to both manhwa. Which is a good thing. I've read it already so show me something cool you can do with the idea!

Anime

Anime was a large part of what we watched as usual. We have completely stepped off the seasonal train and as a result have been enjoying anime from all over... anyway we watched Dungeon Meshi. If you have seen our most recent video you know we love this show. It's genuinely a 10/10 and I can't wait for the next season. I don't want to be basic and make more videos on it but I kinda do. 

Shangri-La Frontier was another anime we brought up in the last video as it was just overflowing with passion and skill. We still haven't finished it with 2 episodes to go.

I Was Reincarnated as the 7th Prince so I Can Take My Time Perfecting My Magical Ability; was also fun but for very silly reasons. I can't sit here and claim it's inherently good but it was fun and easy to watch. Sometimes that's ok.

Lastly, for anime, we have Black Butler. omg, it's so fun. we're only 10 episodes into our rewatch at the moment but it's been about 10 years since I last watched it. The English accents in the dub are particularly awful I love it. 

Its interesting to look back on the anime we watched and see exactly how we went from watching these to writing the Passion and Skill video. I can see what elements of each show inspired what elements of the video. This is cool and fun and nice. 

Games

Don't worry we are nerds of the highest order so we played some games too. I've been playing a few in the last week or so. Star Ocean Divine Force, Orks Must Die 3 and Circus Electrique just to name a few. I've been ping-ponging back and forth between all of them. 

The big game of this month however has to be Spellforce 2. I played 3 and really enjoyed it but the jump back to 2006 graphics was a hurdle I had to vault and I'm glad I did. The game has a lot of interesting elements that they stripped out for the sequel. Unsurprising considering the game changed hands multiple times between the 2 games. It really feels like a classic CRPG with strategy elements instead of a bunch of strategy maps with some RPG-style quests for good measure. It was fun and just as I thought I was finishing it the game kept going. I have no idea where it's going to go next.

L has been playing the Demo for Blue Prince pretty religiously. I don't think ill see her again once the full game comes out but I won't say too much because I think there's a little video/strategy guide on the horizon. You should see the spreadsheet. 

L: Spreadsheet :3c 

Conc

If I could conclude this rambling blog post for July in one word I would say Expanding. Because our tastes are changing and expanding. I'm excited to see what I get to enjoy next month. 

Anyway, this blog post is more for us to store thoughts than anything substantial at the moment but if you enjoyed reading it let us know. If you want better-worded thoughts check out our YouTube videos and if I actually stick to this new idea see you next month.

[bingobongobonko]

Hi Bingo! I just wanted to say that I've been lurking and looking at your art for your lancer campaign for a while now and I think it's so cool! You've kinda inspired me to check out the system for myself too! I hope it's not too much trouble/making you retread anything you've talked about before, but I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on the system and how it's worked out for your campaign! I really love mecha stuff, but I think the genre can be pretty rife with militarism that I'm not super into. I get the sense though that you've been able to find a good way to slot these really cool characters into the setting and focus on their interactions while also getting the fun of that sweet sweet mech combat. My inquiry is very low stakes haha, so nw if you don't have time to gather all your thoughts (I know that if I was tasked to talk about my own campaigns my head would burst into flames just trying to sift through what I'd want to say :P) Anyway, just a little friendly wave to you to say your art is very inspirational, and keep up the great work!

OH WOW this is . whuhh. WOW! sorry im like. wtff. i mean i ramble about my characters a lot but i didn't think anyone else actually gave a fuck which is completely ok, i just WHUHH..!!! holy shit. excitement aside, i get where you're coming from. honestly i was never into the mecha genre, but lancer rpg really made me realize how cool it is! like im not a really technical guy, and i feel like lancer is VERY strategy-heavy in combat; unless you know what you're doing and what everything does, you can easily get overwhelmed with all the features and all the things to consider in the math. for me its a lot because i struggle with spatial understanding and any sort of mathematics. that's my only real gripe on the system, but that might also just be every other system as well. it's more of a personal issue than that of the system, my friends all picked it up super quick. as for the genre, yeah, i find militaristic shit a drag and mecha has the same feel to me. its got a layer of professionalism and seriousness i don't enjoy, nor wish to play along with, so i get what you mean yeah. thankfully my friend who dms the campaign is just. Holy fuck; she just has a huuuge extra care for character stories and weaving them into the narrative she explores. so really, its her i've to thank for making mecha stuff FUN for me. lancer can certainly run hand-in-hand with militaristic-focused rp, i was in a oneshot with that sole focus and while it was interesting, without that interesting narrative stuff you kind of lose steam, but ive grown so fond of dog days cuz of how my friend lets our characters develop AND helps them do that. that and the way she sets up the story, just. FUUUUCK. the military is an afterthought in what is a fight against time and para-causality sinking its teeth into what little sanity we have. we fight against something that is a victim and a perpetrator. we're the worst people to be tasked to be saving an entire planet too, but here we are. as cheesy as it is, it's all about who you play with. thats the feel i get about most systems. honestly why im so ehhh about playing with strangers, when i'd rather play with people i like. all systems strike me as more of a tool; its the way you use em yk? the experience you get from them are more reflective of who you're telling a story with (or fighting alongside, there's no right way to play. i just really like narrative storytelling). so really, ive to thank my friends, especially @spaginithethird who introduced me to lancer in the first place as a dm!!!!!!!!!! TO A LOT OF SYSTEMS ACTUALLY shes rlly knowledgeable abt this stuff and very very very sweet too o7 so yeah really, its a really fun system BUT to me, i wouldnt be playing lancer if i didn't have a narrative to go by and follow with people i like. i am always sayin this but its my favorite thing when it comes to ttrpgs

[syrips]

hello im gonna pin this post

hello my name is Syrips, im a super duper simp and simp/self-insert enabler for others who love strahd or any cos/ravenloft/fictional characters

im 28, but i sometimes say im thirty as a vague response because its easier and faster to say (or safer to say to strangers)

i think i am autistic but i am currently only self-diagnosed; i plan to tell my doctors once i compile a binder of reasons why i think im autistic based on noted events in my childhood, behavior, and my reflected perspective on things in pages of charts and text which is a totally neurotypical thing to do

im genderfluid and i am fine with any and all pronouns (different people may use different/changing/fluid pronouns on me, i am completely fine with this)

im polyamorous and pansexual/panromantic, i gush over games that have polyamory/pan options!!

i have huge CoS/Ravenloft spoilers so please, PLEASe do not enter unless you are fine with being spoiled with all kinds of content. i also wont explain what is or isnt 'canon' because, well, some things may be canon for one person, while potential/not-canon for another, so i really cannot confirm or deny it myself.. ask your DM for confirmation! (and for my players who are here, hehe, goodluck figuring it out!)

i do music, art, crafting, and streaming sometimes, here is my linktree: https://linktr.ee/syrips

please 'ask'/message/send me any and all of your curse of strahd and/or ravenloft works of art! this can include these and more!:

playlists

moodboards

art/portfolio/link to your art or artblog

pages of your OC/PC/dnd lore (both player and DM welcome)

campaign/session notes and storytime

canon and potential-/home-/head-canon dumps

narrations/imagines/ao3/google docs/fanfic/fic writings

cool crafts!!

i crave it more than strahd craves blood, please and thank you!

you can also send me stuff and let me know if you want me to gush/simp over it, provide advice, or simply acknowledge it (publicly or privately)! let me know in advance cuz i dont want to make you uncomfortable with what you share

i have no limits on triggering fictional content, just make sure to tw it properly if it is sensitive content for others

my Ask thingy is always open, i may ramble alot if i get passionate enough though so be warned! hehe

ok goodbye ill edit or change this whenever idk

Edit Entry 1 - 11th Moon, 2023

for context, keita/raze (he/him) is my irl partner. he's been a simp for alucard (castlevania) longer than i've begun simping for strahd. i only discovered this years into the relationship when we watched castlevania (where i expected to be a bigger simp for castlevania), and instead HE made high pitch simping noises as alucard appeared on the screen and i was like -sus eyes- wait a GOSH DARN MINUTE-. also, keita has a thing for necks. i shrugged it off when he first told me, but years later i started simping for strahd and now i look back at that moment like 'hm. odd.-'. anyways, i mostly started dating him because he sounds like a kermit the frog southern guy who goes 'howdy howdy' and he says 'i should be golden' unironically and i think thats pretty funny

i tag stuff as #making a keita tag so when keita presses this he can see all the stuff that he likes so that i can organize stuff and incase he ever decides to poke around my blog and use this tag search within my blog

Edit Entry 2 and 3 - 12th Moon, 2023

syrips OC/PC list (loosely alphabetical)

Other People's Adored OC/PC list (loosely alphabetical)

Edit Entry 4 - 7th Moon, 2024

hi huge warning that im fucking WEIRD. like i know people may enjoy the idea of me for entertainment/indulgence purposes but please please. if you ask/tell me to do something, i will 90%-chance take it seriously and respond bluntly/directly. please take my warnings seriously and please please interact with me responsibly!!

and i already know some would be like, 'oh syrips people always say that. they wanna act unique/special by calling themselves weird'. like. thats fair if people dont believe that but please dont be surprised when freakos start feeling more comfortable/vulnerable around you and you become shocked. like. stop trying to shame/blame freakos for what they've warned since the beginning. please, it's hurtful and disrespectful.

my asks are always open, be as blunt/direct as you want. most of my cws will be with "cw: " before it. let me know if you want me to cw tag something!

i use the #be cringe be free tag for weirdos/freakos/happy/indulgent stuff. this can include stuff that isnt 'cringe', and/or cringe we embrace. it's okay to be cringe. it's okay to say cringe culture is dead. it's okay to not see things as cringe. it's okay to embrace the cringe. it's okay to indulge, to be your favorite version of you. it's okay to indulge, even if it's unfamiliar/scary. i use the tag for moments of doing what makes you happy, regardless if youre unfamiliar with that indulgent feeling. be cringe be free!!

[ahumanbeingtryingherbest]

MY LETTER TO YOUNG ROYALS

Still can't believe Young Royals is coming to an end! I've been watching this series from the very beginning (July 2021). It was incredible to watch, even if from behind a screen, the actors and the story grow and evolve. It's kind of hard realize how quickly time passed. When season 1 first aired I was 15 in a summer camps in the middle of the Swiss Alps. I listened to Olivia Rodrigo first album SOUR the day and watched the series the night hidden underneath the covers. That summer was magical, I was either giggling at the posts other fans made on Tumblr or reflecting on their clever analysis. In my summer camps I distinctly remember there were two swedish girls and me and other people who saw the series asked them so many questions about their country! It was also the summer I made my fist coming out to a group of absolute strangers :)

When season 2 aired I was 17 and at the start of my second year of high school. These time my daily soundtrack was directed by Taylor Swift's "Midnights", fist album who made me fall in love with Taylor's music and religiously listening to it on the bus while going to school. I wasn't exactly happy back then. I thought I had had a big life lesson and that now everything was going to be completely ok. Well, looking back I was also very wrong and I'd say naïve, but I got through it and I'm happy YR and Taylor kept me company during that period.

Now here we are, only one week left before season 3 airs. Still no new album I can enjoy with it, but Taylor's "The Tortureds Poet Department" will swifly (ahah) follow. I'm not stressed about the end (k maybe a bit), I'm already nostalgic looking back how much time passed and how much life and people grew and changed.

To be fair, I really dislike changements. Like, profoundly. For me the end of this series symbolizes a part of my adolescence ending. I'm growing up too. I don't really now what the future will reserve me, I just now that I'll always try to act with respect and love while finding my way.

It was an honor being there when this project started and I'm happy I get to see the end as well. Its not something everyone got to see so I'm glad I was there, even if only by watching and reading others reactions. I hope the actors will find other stimulating projects where they can contribute with their talent. I hope that Lisa is happy she got to tell her story, because we were definitely happy to hear it.

Finally, I want to end on a personal thought. I'm not an actor, I'm not a celebrity and even if I do want to make art and I do want it to be recognised by humanity I'm coming now to terms I don't think I will ever get to live the sort of "succes wave" these actors (around my age, mind you) experienced. I hope, I wonder if they're fine, I hope so. What I think it's just important to remember that these are human beings. I don't know about you but I feel kind of a sick movement to my stomach when I see people being obsessive, and I'm talking about myself as well when I catch myself wondering too much about them too.

These series spread a lot of beautiful message these years and will continue even after I'm sure. So a little note, always be respectful about others life and intimacy. Be curious, but don't be a stalker. Be a fan, but don't be obsessive (for your own good as well). Enjoy the present moment and express your enthusiasm for these people work!!

I hope I'll get to see more of them in the future, and about Lisa's works as well.

xxx G

[livvyofthelake]

please talk about your fuckass book you just finished <3

ok yay :) i literally neeeeeed to talk about it in relation to other books i’ve read recently so that’s what i’m gonna do here i heart making every book a conversation with each other… so you’ll all have to forgive me for comparing call me by your name to the dream thieves of raven cycle fame but i need to. its a comparison that literally begs to be spoken about. to me. i also need to compare it to the secret history and the sun and the star and most importantly. well we all saw the timeless video. we need to get into that as well!!

obviously what sets it apart from all of my genre bullshit is that it is NOT genre bullshit, like it's just set in italy 1983 in the normal universe. which made it one of the most unique books i've read this year to be honest and real.... i have NOT been reading normal ass books... earlier i compared elio's narration to the great gatsby but i literally have just only read very few real world narrative novels i've got gatsby, richard, and this i guess. i'm working on it though!

anyway it was veryyy richard core in the sense that it's being narrated from some point in the future where elio is reflecting on that summer and oliver and what it meant to his life at large, where richard does the same thing with narrating his time at college with his greek class and bunny's murder. reflecting on two very different things unless you wanna look at it with the keen eye of a total nutcase and then i could say that they're both simply reflecting on what it was like to be seen and known by someone who turned out to not be what you hoped and you didn't end up with him despite it all. richard papen you would have loveddd call me by your name... wow. elio pearlman you would have loved the secret history...

it was ALSO very the dream thieves core in the sense that um. well me when i'm gay and having kind of a hard time working with that and there's a guy who's just like me in a bad way who wants to fuck me so bad we both look stupid as hell... but through it all there is the through line of intimacy that comes from being Recognized… rip joseph kavinsky you would have LOVED call me by your name!!!!!!!!!!! (would ronan lynch love cmbyn? well no!)

i ALSO only wanted to talk about it in relation to the sun and the star because they’re both like. ok Gay Representation is not a genre but they’re both books about gay people that i read recently so like. yeah. it’s crazy how glaring the difference between those two books is for things that both get tagged “lgbtq+” on storygraph or however many of those letters that website uses idk. like one of them is clearly written so some dude could pat himself on the back for giving the kiddos Representation in his stupid ass franchise and the other is just some fuckass book written by a totalllll freak that happens to be about gay people. in essence one made me so mad to read and the other was fine. i would never go so far as to describe a man’s work as great though. chappell roan voice i don’t think men make good art. !!! and i really believe that sorry. when a man impresses me i will let you all know but it is very rare…

which brings us to the timeless video. for everyone who somehow missed that that means (you’re fake btw 🙄) the timeless video is an amv i made last summer when i wanted to make an amv for my guys from my books but obviously they’re from books. so what i did instead was gather a bunch of characters from movies and shows that reminded me of MY guys and edit them to taylor swift’s timeless. because it’s like. other lives and i see them in everything. anyway so elio and oliver made it into the timeless video despite all the sort of mean stuff i’ve said about oliver lately (not even my fault he fuckin sucks btw) and the fact that their relationship is not like. Endgame. BECAUSE of my favorite scene. from the movie not the book. this scene was lame as hell in the book it’s the part that made me go wow i think perhaps the film is much better!! the “is it better to speak or to die” scene… i talked about it earlier but genuinely that happened to my buddy kit herondale…. and then he said something and it didn’t go very well!!!!

anyway. yay i <3 blogging on my break at work!

[12thbiologist]

ok hello! :3 pocketbook sized annihilation anon again! so Obviously there are . um some discrepancies between the book and the movie and i've been really fascinated to hear your ideas on how it couldve been adapted better! now i Cant promise anything But! i'm receiving a camera for my birthday and im thinking an Annihilation mini web series could be obtainable and Incredibly fun to do! so could i ask you for more ideas on how to translate the book to videos (and how to possibly do the affects of Area X on a well Much Smaller budget)

this is open to anyone who sees this ask and has ideas btw!! gonna keep a running list on ideas so any and all opinions on how to do this best are welcome! thank you!

- 🪢 (gonna claim an emoji for myself if thats alright! since i might become a regular around here :3)

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST ENABLED IN ME OKAY. i have soo many ideas and even if you dont end up making anything it is so fun to think about regardless

incredible news about area x effects: there are none!!!! or at least, there doesnt have to be. the movie makes the border really really showy and fancy and prism-looking, but its actually inaccurate for the book's version of area x: the border is completely invisible! it just looks like a regular patch of swampy florida wilderness but you take a step too far and you're swept up into area x/the border. area x looks almost entirely just like a normal wilderness, save for certain things or animals feeling just slightly Too human. so thats good for low budget!!

the hardest things to adapt in area x are definitely the crawler and the tower, probably, and theyre not in the movie at all. unless you know where a giant staircase covered in green glowing stuff is, thats gonna be tough. your best bet is prooobably to try and find an empty spiral stairwell thats dark-ish and somehow get ambient green lighting in there and put lettering on the walls if you can find somewhere that will let you. the crawler is basically impossible to adapt to film in any good way outside of some crazy impressive cgi, but if i was shooting an annihilation adaptation i wouldnt even try to! instead of trying to get the crawler right, just focus on the individuals seeing it and let the viewer's imagination do the rest. like the shot in the movie where lena is staring into the alien blob and the light is reflecting in her eyes. the brightness is also hard, but not necessary to adapt visually since it is (mostly) an internal feeling of brightness

as for how to adapt specifically annihilation, thats kind of dependent on how you want to format the story. found footage would be cool and also quite easy to do, plus theres actual found footage from the expeditions so theres precedent + reference for how video gets fucky in area x!!! if it's a bit more of a linear story/a direct adaptation of the book, i absolutely recommend using a lot of nature imagery + nature stuff in the photography and obscuring the people as much as possible- especially the biologist!!! not sure how viable this is for a small project, but using reoccurring visual motifs would also be cool (like associating the biologist with circular/spiraly stuff, the husband with birds, area x with tall shapes, etc.)

also i am So down to try and help with like, concept art or storyboards (??) for this because it sounds so fun and i want an excuse to draw cool southern reach compositions

[elibean]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

no need to apologize! this is a great question, thank you for asking! i think i'll go with anime just 'cause it's easiest (i have a MAL and rank every series i watch from 1-10). i originally had movies in here but i think i'm gonna cut them out and just keep it to series and ovas. and "why do you love them" is an AWESOME question I never get! i don't know if i'll be able to explain myself well, but I'll try!

fullmetal alchemist ('03). why? this was pretty much my gateway anime. it's been over 10 years I believe since I've last seen any of it, so it's entirely possible that my opinion has since changed. but i definitely have nostalgia goggles on for it, and i know it is actually good, too haha

2. natsume yuujinchou (specifically seasons 6, 5, 4, and 3). why? some seasons of natsume i have rated higher than others, apparently. natsume is a special show. due to the nature of how long it is, there is the drawback that sometimes it feels like it repeats itself and tells similar stories. but even then it is just such a good story of found family and finding love after a life of strife, and it's just. very good. (i do think it should end soon though before it feels like it's just recycling old stories)

3. made in abyss. why? season 1 still stands out to me above the movie and 2. it was such a special experience. the art, the animation, the background art, the music, it all comes together to create such a fascinating world. the weak point would definitely be its characters, but even then everything else comes together so well that it doesn't really matter. it has one of the best first episodes of any anime (when the sun came up over orth and the music cued in I knew I was hooked) and I also adore season 1's ending; if the show never got a continuation, it could have ended right there and I would have been content (not a lot of other anime can say the same about their endings!).

4. steins; gate. why? it's also been a very long time since i've seen this one, so possible my opinion has changed. still, I remember being super interested after the first episode, and the following 12 that people tend to critique as being "slow" or a "slog" never really felt that way for me. there was always something fun and interesting going on. i compare this one with link click a lot, just because people tend to go the magica route and i firmly believe steins;gate is the better time travel show (though lc isn't over yet so maybe an unfair comparison. still it'd take a LOT for lc to reach anywhere near the heights of steins;gate to me). when okabe goes back over and over to try and save mayuri, i just remember being absolutely floored. really good stuff.

5. vinald saga. why? it's just such a well constructed story. and the author's comments about not wanting a world with war is so interesting, given how violent the first season is. it's really interesting to watch thorfinn grow and change (and i never understood the hate that he was too violent or annoying or a brat? he's just a kid who's lost everything, cut him some slack jeez). i love the last shot of season 1, corny as it is-- all the memories reflected on the dropping knife was great. and askeladd was one of the best villains i've ever seen. he's not even ~morally grey~ or anything; he's pretty strongly in the wrong, but his thinking and motivations and everything are so interesting and compelling. i don't think it's perfect; there are flaws for sure (i wasn't the biggest fan of how in s2 canute just. decides to turn his ships back after a small conversation with thorfinn lol) but it is very good.

6. this boy cuaght a merman. why? ok this one objectively does not deserve a 10. it's a 30minute ova about a boy falling in love with a merman. that's it. it's not incredible or amazing or ground breaking. buuuuuut it's my favorite soubi yamamoto ova and i adore soubi yamamoto and so she's getting a place on this list. she is responsible for animating, storyboarding, backgrounds, directing, etc etc everything in here, it's incredible (and she was only like 25, or something when she did it. fucking bananas). i love her please go check out her works (besides crystallization)

7. noragami. why? ok again probably not objectively THAT good, but this is one of the first anime that got me to read the manga, and here I am some 10 years later (ok a little less than 10 years because I didn't start reading the manga the year it started publishing, I think). noragami's MANGA is incredible and amazing and wonderful. but I do believe (much against the popular opinion amongst noragami manga readers) that the anime is also amazing, and YES that includes season 1. the crew behind it really loved the manga I feel (at least the director did, and there's proof for that) and adapted it faithfully and well. noragami is a story of found family and of turning your life and fate around, and it's very good.

8. she and her cat: everything flows. why? this one is only 4 episodes, 8 minutes each. it tells a story of a 20-something (actually she's still in college iirc) who lives on her own with her cat, and is trying to be an adult. but it's told from the cat's perspective. it's so sweet; the cat comments on how she "grooms herself" (brushes her hair, puts on her interview clothes) and "looks pretty" and things and it is just so great. i love the line (not a direct quote) "she opens that heavy door again today and heads out. on the other side of that door is a somewhat unforgiving, somewhat cruel world. but she's doing her best to learn to love that world. and i love her for that." just....so good (also the show made me cry)

9. yuru camp. why? second iyashikei on this list! SOL/iyashikei is actually my favorite genre of anime, generally speaking, but it can be hard to do it well. yuru camp ABSOLUTELY does it well. i read a commentary once ages ago, about how one of the great things about yuru camp is that the girls are allowed to just... be girls, and it always stuck with me. there's no fanservice, and these girls really feel like real characters who exist. there was another commentary (maybe same one?) about how rin is this introverted, more lonesome character, but she enjoys the solitude. but what's cool about yuru camp is she is never forced to change or become more extroverted; her friends accept her for who she is, nadeshiko will invite her out but not push her, and then sometimes she does go out! and she changes and becomes a bit more social, but never gives up solo camping. AND the more extroverted, outgoing character INSTEAD comes to embrace solo camping! what a cool idea, executed amazingly! so the characters are a strong point here, but the banter and camping is a lot of fun too. i still haven't watched the movie, but i'll get there eventually!

10. odd taxi. why? this one is 100% on the writing. it is so clever and quick-witted, it's a ton of fun to watch. i've never watched any other anime like it. the mystery/thriller aspects are a lot of fun too, and i remember reading reddit threads and theories on this one as it was airing. what was so cool is that they plant subtle hints that you can ABSOLUTELY catch if you have sharp eyes (i likely wouldn't have if it weren't for reading others' theories) and you can know things before characters do. lot of fun.

--

wow this was so much fun to write up! thank you so much for the question!

[autiponi]

The soft light woke Blackjack from a rather heavy sleep. She was reluctant to get up from the moment she opened her eyes, knowing that today was the day she would meet Mike again and find out about this strange 'job' he had given her.

However, she overcame her problem with getting up. Gently dragging herself to her feet, she moved towards the bathroom with a lazy step.

-Ugly but pretty.... as usual. She smiled slightly at her reflection in the mirror and began to comb her perpetually dishevelled hair. Self-confidence was her strong point, it was what had allowed her to work at the University while remaining an outstanding scientist with a long tenure. She worked at the same university where her mother and father had studied. That's why It was important to her that every student who came under her wing was as outstanding, as they had been in their own lifetime. Her typical bathroom routine was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the stove.

It was probably Alebo; it wouldn't be the first time. -I asked him not to make me breakfast ... Typical Albedo. He was unsuited to being a domestic servant, but he always wanted to help and did many things for Blackjack. She tried to get this out of his software, but the results of such actions were meagre and in fact, the opposite of the intended effect. Ignoring Albedo's urge to cook, she brushed herself and her teeth. Then she dressed quickly.

-How does Kitchen Revolutions a.k.a Albedo not listen? She said mockingly to the robot as she walked downstairs. -Do you like eggs, Amelia? I just found out on the internet how to make fried eggs! Ignoring the question, Albedo answered the question with a question. The movements of his mechanical limbs were surprisingly precise for his previous attempts at cooking, which usually ended in clean-up rather than actual food. -...that I also taught you how to use such things.... It smells surprisingly good for you, so I'll eat it.

She sat down at the table and began to sip her coffee. By Chef Albedo's standards, it was at least drinkable. -I won't be home for long today... I'll give you some tasks to do. So you won't be bored without me. She started talking to Albedo, who, having already finished cooking, served her the classic daily Blackjack breakfast. -I guess this is about your new job, do you have any details about it? -No... all I know is that I have to be on the phone, I don't even know when this grandpa is going to call. -And who is the person who hired you? Is it someone important? Maybe a businessman, a scientist! Albedo has started to take an interest. -It's hard to tell, all I know is that his name is Mike, I already told you that... but he's also very strange. And he knows something about me, and most importantly, about my father... Her gaze was slightly off him, in contemplation. -I don't know why, but his face looks oddly familiar. .... I don't think I've seen him before, yet... I don't know. She started to eat slowly as Albedo came even closer to her, curious. -You can tell me its characteristics and I'll look it up online if you like. -No, no, that's OK. I'll talk to him today and find out. You can help me tomorrow. I've got an idea for a new technology, who knows if it might be useful for the lectures. -I understand, I hope today goes without complications!

-Yea... As she was eating, she suddenly heard someone calling upstairs, and she rushed to answer it, almost killing herself trying to get upstairs.

-Hello?

She anticipated who was on the phone.

~This is Mike, I already have an assignment for you... will you be ready tonight?

-Yes, I think so, so what have you prepared for me?

~I'll tell you when you get there, I'll meet you in dimension C-419, but where exactly you already have in the message what I sent you .... by tonight. Before she had time to ask him anything, Mike had already hung up. She quickly read the message he had sent her. -Dimension C-419... Japan, trading street by the temple of the patron saint of Kim....

-This is the temple of the clan that trades across the multiverse? asked Albedo. He was eavesdropping on Blackjack's conversation. -Yes... as far as I know the same ones, I wonder what he wants from them, I haven't heard much about them, practically nothing.

-There are all sorts of rumours about them, including that many of their activities are unethical or even criminal! -Who knows, I have to go anyway, I don't want to miss the first day of work.... Come on, it's not until the evening, so we've got time to maybe look for more information about them, although I don't know if anything will come of it, to be honest. Blackjack and Albedo sat for a long time in search of more information about the dimension of the C-419 and the Clan. -The Internet does not help much.... mainly mentions what the main race is in this dimension and culture....

-What are they like?

-Something like... spars like we find in Greece, bark covers their entire body... but their insides are mostly precious metals.... they have panache, they get a lot of their culture from the East.

-So they have these beautiful dressing gowns!

-Albedo, that's kimono.

-Whatever you call it, the important thing is that it's pretty.

-That's not how I programmed you.

-Back to the details, is there anything more about this clan than rumours?

-No...absolutely nothing, they mostly talk about their trading activities and Kim....he is the deceased leader and master of the clan, and his place has been taken by Daiki, the most loyal pupil and also a role model for others....from the description alone, he sounds like a jerk.

-That's always extra information!

-Yes... it's always good to know a person's name I'll soon forget.... An ironic smile found its way onto Blackjack's face, Albedo didn't quite understand the sarcasm but she was used to it by now. -Well... we may not have found out much, but there's always something you can ask your employer!

-I'll ask if necessary... don't worry.

...

-It's time to test the portal tool! -So...!

Blackjack looked at the screwdriver-shaped device for a few pleasant minutes.

-Mrs Amelia... afraid to go through?

-NO! I just... Yesterday I lost all faith that it would work... and now I can do it without any problem... it's a strange feeling.

-You can do it, I believe in you with the whole screen!

-Not that you have another option in the software... but thank you. She took a deep breath, put the world of C-419 on the small screen and... activated the portal for the first time.

The circle of beautiful colours intimidated her, but after another powerful breath she stepped through the portal, felt a gentle warmth, even soothing, and at the same time great speed, she saw space, many worlds in the form of images passing through, until finally her feet felt firm ground and she saw a beautifully lit street and Mike waiting for her on a bench. -So... what are your first impressions?

-M- My legs are like cotton wool... I'm a bit sick, I've seen a hundred things at once and I think I'm going to throw up...

-Oh, maybe better-

-Can I do it again?

-...

Looking at Mike's face, she quickly realised that it was unlikely that his silence meant 'yes', so she quickly recovered from the shock and even stood at attention. -I mean... let's go now, we've got work to do, right?

...

-Quite a big place for a regular market....

She said to Mike Blackjack as they walked through the next streets full of shops and tree-like creatures.

and tree-like creatures that made people look much smaller, though not always.

-No wonder, this is one of the attractions of this dimension, everyone should be here at least once.... beautiful handmade jewellery... and the food... Right, would you like something to eat before I go over the details of my order?

Mike looked at one of the stalls with a gentle smile.

-Why not... I haven't eaten since breakfast.

She sat down next to Mike.

-Two ramen noodles and a large glass of cold whisky, please.

The tall, well-built creature took Mike's order and payment.

-You didn't even ask me what I wanted.

Said a nervous Blackjack. She hadn't even managed to look at the menu.

-Well, I know your mum liked ramen, so I thought you'd like it.

-Did she work for you as well, or where did you hear that from? Blackjack looked at Mike with interest.

-I know most about your father.... But I also knew her personally, she was always very close to her husband... poor Elisabeth.... You remind me of her with your eyes, you know?

He looked at Blackjack, her eyes were jet black, almost dead on the inside, but still beautiful in their own way. -...Grandpa used to say that too, although he always said I was like my father, thanks to him I actually know what they were like....

-You're talking in the past tense... I don't want to pry, but...

-Fire, he died in a fire. There's no point in hiding it... you already know too much.

-Oh... I'm sorry, I don't mean to open up old wounds so boldly... Mike looked away, clearly perplexed. He had not expected such an answer. -...instead of apologising, tell me more about my father, why you met .... and, above all, how? You talk as if you've known him for a long time, even though you're not from C-418. He was a bit confused, but in order to make up for his mistake, he slowly began the story in a calm tone. -As you probably know... your father, he created inter-dimensional travel, as the first dimension he found was G-878.... this is my world, he is the one who really found me, at first he seemed crazy, all happy to see me without even knowing me, he started to tell me what he had just done, he took me by the arm to his world, because he had met me first in other worlds I automatically became his friend... only with time came another project that changed his life and mine forever.... I'll tell you about it after the mission... okay? We're running out of time. -I hold you to your word.

There was an awkward silence until the order came.

-So... what are the details of the order? Blackjack She started talking while slowly eating her portion, she had never tried this food before but liked it immediately.

-Well... you're going to have to break in, preferably unnoticed until the end, and take the documents that are in Daikie's office .... about me, documents to be exact.

-What did you do that I have to break in there now? -What? She asked in surprise.

-I have quite a few people working for me in this dimension, even in his place. So I used to take the opportunity to steal some of his supplies of weapons, food and other things for trade or just to use... I needed it to keep the business going, but after a while he found out and now I have a more than... unpleasant relationship here, to say the least, and because of that I now have a person on my back who is hunting me down... -...What a caution and discretion on your part.

-I also have to earn money here, it's a job.... All I can do now is save my skin.

-I understand. Is there anything I should know before I go into the lion's mouth?

-Yes... there is something else, listen carefully now.

He cautiously approached Blackjack. -This person... this... something I mentioned to you... avoid her like hell, don't let her see you.

-Who is she?

-Daiki's disciple, she's practically a killing machine, literally a machine.

-I think I can handle the apprentice of an idiot with an oversized ego.

-It's not enough that you know how to fight... she's bloody dangerous... trust me. Mike returned to his normal seat and Blacjack began to think about the person mentioned.

-By the way, it's you, from this dimension. I found out last night.

-Someone who is me, murderous and ruthless.... I have my moments of luck...

She put her plate down after finishing her meal, Mike finishing a moment later.

-I've arranged a place for you in a nice hotel, you'll start your task at night between two and three o'clock, you've got clothes in your room to blend in, is everything clear?

-Yea, thanks, it's always something.

-Good luck... and remember, the other Am-

-Blackjack, learn at last.

-Blackjack, it's important you don't see them.

She made her way to the hotel. Once in the room, she sat down on the bed and checked her phone.

-Some unread messages from Jeremy... I can't believe he's only just pulled through. He should have been asleep by now.

~Hi Bj! I know you've been busy lately, but please come see me at the hospital if you can. It's really important to me! ~I want to tell you something and show you. I hope to see you in person soon! ~You're probably sleeping after working on a project. I won't disturb you again. Goodbye for now!

Blackjack smiled at the screen, certain that Jeremy was awake and expecting her response. After completing the task, she made the decision to meet him the following day. She rapidly composed the plan and slept for a couple of hours. The bed was incredibly comfortable for a single night.

...

Night had fallen, the silence sounding eerie to Blackjack's ears. She changed into a kimono, decorated with various beautiful ornaments, probably belonging to the clan. She approached the temple walls, they were quite low, so she decided to walk through them to get inside.

She walked along the wall to the nearest windows while looking back at the guards who were only downstairs and staring dully at the walls probably pretending to check if anyone was there. The windows were not glazed or protected in any way, so she could pass through one unnoticed.

It was empty and quiet, almost too quiet. As she moved further into the shadows, she began to look for rooms.

She found them in a long corridor, all the doors had the names of people who probably lived or worked there. There were about a hundred of these doors, if not more. The last door had the signature ''Master Daiki''.

-It was useful to know your name. It would be terrible to check all these doors.

She said to herself and opened the door slightly, it didn't even have a handle.

There was a large desk in the room with a light on it. She decided to search it quickly while no one noticed her. The pile of papers frightened her, but she was determined to find Mike's name so she could get away from the scene as quickly as possible.

-Mike... Mike... Mike - there it is!

She found a folder with a photograph of her employer, he wasn't wearing a hat so she could see the slight baldness on the top of his head. Another felt strange looking at his photo. He was not wearing a headband in the photo, so he must have lost an eye recently, she looked closely at the photo and lost track of time.

But her thoughts were stopped by a feeling she did not want to feel now, a feeling of being watched, so she brought her thoughts back to earth.

She looked around her... she was not wrong.

In the darkness of the room she saw eyes that glowed with a strong red that was almost painful to the eyes.

-Fucking hell.

She said in her mind, looking with her eyes for the quickest escape route, there were no windows or other doors, she was grounded.

-Master wasn't expecting any visitors today... at least he didn't say anything to me about it.

-Listen...it's not what you think! I'm-

The figure moved towards Blackjack faster than she had ever expected. The impact of the blow sent her crashing into a wall, which turned out to be weak enough to allow her to fall under her own weight into another room, large and dark.

And from the shattered wall, staring at her coldly, was the figure of whatever had attacked her.

-W-who the hell are you?

She tried to get up from the hard blow, feeling a metallic taste in her mouth as she did so.

-I am A-1, from c-419, a disciple of Master Daiki, the only one of her lineage, and you... you are an intruder who must be killed. Blackjack looked at her, and from the resemblance of her face, it had to be the person Mike was talking about.

-You want to kill yourself from another dimension... what a twist of fate.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

A-1 grabbed Blackjack by her robes and looked her straight in the eyes, after a moment she threw her to the ground again.

-You are really me, Blackjack...interesting nickname. Blackjack stood unsteadily and extended her hand. She held a red scythe, which she had learned from her grandfather. Perhaps it was a family skill, but she still couldn't fully control it.

-I won't hesitate to kill you if necessary... Terrible fake!

A-1 looked annoyed and stood ready to fight.

There was silence and focus for a few moments as Blackjack C-418 approached her other self.

Knowing what she intended, she approached her opponent and attacked with her scythe, but felt a strong resistance.

Your fighting basics are lacking... and it's pathetic

A-1 kept hitting and countering, causing Blackjack's scythe to crack further. Blackjack decided to exploit the situation, broke a piece of the weapon, and advanced towards A-1. As she was about to counter, Blackjack stabbed A-1 in the stomach using the broken piece.

-...

Without a word, her opponent jumped away and gently dropped to her knees, Blackjack seeing her moment of weakness and wanting to make a quick getaway. She was already close to the breach and then...

The hit. A loud grinding sound echoed through the room. A-1 took immediate action and stabbed her sword into Blackjack's body. She had become an expert at using deceit to her advantage.

-...The will of the Master is done, no matter what or who...

She collapsed to the ground and felt blood streaming softly. A-1 stood proudly above her. She closed her eyes slowly, feeling faint. Just before losing consciousness, the only thing she could hear were the sounds of swords clashing. She wondered if someone else was there to save her, but with her strength ebbing away, it didn't matter anymore.

...

Hello! It's Poni again! Thank you for reading the opening chapter, Aou!

A lot can happen now… However, you'll find that out as soon as I finish the next chapter! I think it goes without saying. In the meantime from him, I recommend you take a look at "More about Aou" Which is available on my website!

That's it from me, see you later!

[decadentrot]

2023 🎉🎉🎉

Ok new year and I thought since this blog is basically an archive of my fandom art, I'd also archive some "milestone" art and archive my reflection for the last year. Basically, I love art and I've always wanted to one day publish my own original comic/graphic novel and I've had this dream art school that I've always wanted to go to and then senior year rolled around and... I didnt submit my portfolio. Partially due to financial reasons, but mostly because I just hated my art (like most artist) and so I decided to take a "gap year" to take online courses and "fix" my art, but then I just didnt have enough money to even finish the courses so i just really gave up yk. I got very demoralized about school in general and thought art would just be a hobby and I should consider getting a "real job" as many of my family members would say, it didnt help that all of my friends were leaving for college and I was stuck at home. And so in my loneliness, I then created this blog because I still wanted someway to do art and be creative and share stupid ideas about my favorite characters and honestly I really really really enjoyed making fandom art. And after getting out of my slump and getting much encouragement from my friends/dad and lots of nights staying up with my anxiety as company, I decided I really should just do it and submit the portfolio and if I get in I get in and I should not be afraid to get loans and not let my financial problems get in the way of my happiness and wants. So I talked to the admission counselor and finally submitted my Illustration (Entertainment Arts Track) portfolio to ✨Art Center: College of Design✨ and a couple months later I actually got accepted woooo

So I'm sharing my accepted ACCD portfolio to by no means flex my art, I mean the anatomy and perspective still needs a lot of work and my traditional art in general isnt the cleanest, but when talking to the admission counselor, she definitely did see my faults but she also pointed out how even if my technical work isn't as polished, thats exactly what school is for: to learn and get better! And to be surrounded by likeminded people who also have a passion for art (and make those industry connections!) And something more eye opening I learned from her was that art isnt suppose to be perfect and "realistic," especially in the entertainment arts industry, what matters more is telling the story and making compelling characters. While knowing every muscle of the human anatomy is useful, as long as you get the message and purpose across, its good! (I mean look at the origins of one punch man).

Corny message aside, for as much as I was stressed during the beginning of this year, I ended up really enjoying it after all. I'm still improving my art and I still have to worry about my financial issues and college, but overall I spent these last couple days with family/friends and doing personal art projects and I'm relatively happy with my art and my OCs. My SumRec comic will probably be postponed by like a week maybe cause I've been busy with family and friends and obviously I haven't been posting a lot of my fandom art due to RL stuff, but when I actually have alone time to work on it and im satisfied, then it will be posted !! So for anyone who read through this post, I hope you maybe get some enjoyment from my art portfolio and also enjoyed last year and I hope this new year will be even better !! (And if your an artist, keep going and creating !!) 🎉

Bonus: Not part of my portfolio, but during my junior year of high school, I wanted to actually complete an animation instead of a bunch of animatics, so I did! Its incredibly rushed and my old art is cringe, but it was my first completed animation of some very old OCs and their potential intro sequence if they had a TV showヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ:

[random-meme-bot]

📷 Currently it's a phone wallpaper that was released for the remake of Sam & Max Save the world but I've been meaning to change it because I like to change block screen every few months

🍫 Chocolate

✨ In real life no‚ but there's RMB if you want to count it

🎵 Winner Takes it all

✏️ Kinda? It's halfway between fan fic and oc fic

😏 Yeah, I barely use it but Yeah

💛 Nop don't like needles

🐰 Honestly their opinion on animation, specially if they fall into any of the extremes of "animation is for kids" and "every animated thing needs to be a life changing work of art or is a disservice to the medium".

🍪 Chocolate chip? IDK

🐱 Cat person definitely

🎧 Headphones

🌼 "Here I put you Pasapalabra... *looks at adds on TV* ...the channel they put it on at least"

🙃 The Eurpean Spanish Translation for the original Paper Mario The thousand Year door was made entirely without any restrains for Nintendo because the guidelines they had to follow got lost in the mail and the team assumed they had free raing to do what they wanted (I don't know how much of that translation was kept for the remake but for what I've seen in trailers it's pretty faithful)

🦉 Night Owl

🧸 Bed‚ I actually have a hard time falling asleep on other places

🏳️‍🌈 I think I might be Aroace IDK (And honestly don't really care I'm fine like I am now)

🦋 Tall, silent‚ caring

👖 Jeans

🥛I've never been to Starbucks, I think they are some on Spain but at least not in my town

🧡 Those incredibly bright greens and pinks they usually use for post-its, I like the yellow though

💎 Probably my Scott Pilgrim comics just because of how much I had to save up to get them and how excited I was to finally have them

☕ Coffe

🦖 Dodo if those things were still alive I assure you they would be the silliest of guys

🌙 Pff... I legit don't remember, let me check some things, I think I started on tumblr more or less when Crossover Nexus came out because that's what got me into OK K.O and I started on tumblr when I was in my peak of loving that show... So if I'm not misremembering 6 to 5 years

🌴 Like what would I take to a deserted island? Phone I guess, if I don't have any coverage at least I can use the screen to reflect the light and make signals

🐸 Tubular

🔮 IDK

🎤 A lot of them

🤎 Dark Brown

💌 Sometimes but I mostly think to myself

💄Nah

🌸 ...I can't think of anything at the moment

💞 Moots!!!

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[diedandwenttobobevans]

8/14/2024 - 5:49 AM

oof

hello

long time no journal? Its been a few weeks. Lets see

I've been meaning to get back into it. I really want to make this a habit. (Daily? Weekly?) I actually started googling some diffrent journaling formats that might make it easier? I'll continue to do research. I feel like "stream of concious" writing for journaling is still good. Its good to get all this shit out of me brains. I think sitting down and concentrating on my thoughts is also good self reflection. Maybe. I don't know.

So still need a new therapist, tbh haven't really looked into it as I've been focusing on streaming. Had a really good birthday stream that genuinly revitalized my drive to stream. It was so touching to have a card signed by chat and tons of birthday wishes and presents. I just took 5 minutes to stop what I was doing because I realized I say "Like" too much and went down a short rabbithole of the word.

So one of the issues probbably for me with journaling is it should be something I do in them morning but these past few times I leave it for the evening to empty out my head and then find myself getting sleepy.

So before I head to bed to get a few hours of rest, lets catch up. I haven't heard back from the girl I hung out with, and I sent her a link text message but I tihnk I'll send a regular message later today. I'm really hesitant cause she didnt respond to the first message. But also maybe she didnt see it? Maybe it was too stupid, it was a webcomic about bisexuality. I was a little wine drunk. She did mention going to hang outs so maybe thats my in? oooff girls pretty and intimidating uuuuughhhh

Still feeling all over the place when it come to sleep. I desire to sleep at a reasonable time and be productive during the day and not sleep in weird shifts.

Why does doing any task what so ever make me so fucking tired wtf

UUUUhhhhh before i go crash, I want to try to do maybe a morning jounral dn evening journal, evening for what I did and morning for some affiramations and trying to fix my headspace to be more positive. Still have major self esteem issues. Also I need to start worning out, found my sports bras so I can atleast start running. I feel like I have fat phobia and body issues and I worry I have been binge eating recently, especially when high. Excercise will prob help with the sleep and moodswing stuff.

OK Im tapped out, theres so much more I want to word vomit but I got to crash.

SO personal upcoming goals then:

Morning Affirmations - Optimism training

Evening thought dump journals

collage art still want to do but not tonight. this morning? not this time

Listening: JAZZ CABBAGE - GURT

Reading: Yuria's Red String (God this is such a sad but good read. About a japanese woman in her 50's whose husband has a terrible accident that leaves him unconcious and she discovers about the secrets lives hes been leading this entire time. Reminds me of the tiktoks about women who regret their marriages cause of all the expecancies of being a wife and takeing care of the household while men continue to be shit)